I truly envy the ultimately fulfilled. You know those people; the ones who practically glow from happiness and contentment. These are the people I aspire to. Only problem is I have no idea how to get there.
I feel stuck. I know it seems like it should be the opposite with my new job permanence and stability but I feel even more lost than ever. Now please don’t mistake this for a lack of gratitude. I am absolutely overjoyed with the fact that I have a steady income and health insurance. I just wish there was a way I could combine the security with the fulfillment.
I’ve always been a cautious person in terms of finances. I never spend money unless it’s on something I need or for special gifts for events such as birthdays and Christmas. Luckily for me, this has been engrained in my brain since I was little from how my mom raised me. Her philosophy was “if you can’t afford it, you don’t get it” whether it be clothing, a vehicle, or anything in between. It’s definitely from her that I gained this immense appreciation for financial security which is why I snatched up the opportunity of the permanent work position. I couldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and say no to something so wonderful. This job can afford me to save up for a house and a pension. And yes I am aware of how awfully adult that makes me sound that I’m thinking about pensions at 24 but that’s just me (see I can adult sometimes).
Now unfortunately, I’m worried I’m experience the career version of buyer’s remorse. I feel like I have a job but not a career. I feel like I’m not giving all that I can offer in this position and don’t know how to change that in my current situation. For now I’m doing what I can to keep up momentum and not get lulled into a feeling of career path molasses.
I want to chase my happiness as long as it takes. Seeing people who are truly satisfied and proud of their lives lights a fire within me that burns hotter the more I think about it. With all the business brainstorming and business podcast listening I’ve been doing lately this desire to pursue my true happiness is reaching new heights. I understand this might be coming off as cheesy or ridiculous but I think that might be the point. Is a dream really worth it if it doesn’t scare you just a little? And with my being cautious I’m not crazy or brave enough to just dive in without any preparation, which is why I’m studying all the information I can. If I can prepare myself with all the information I can on what I want to pursue it’ll only help me reach my goal to the best of my abilities.
Whether this is just me getting used to this 9-5 work life, me finding my way, or my urge to try something new, I just know that I don’t want to do anything but give my all to everything I do on my way to finding my true happiness. The work is going to be hard and tiring and make me try things I’ve never done before but I want that experience. I want to be able to say I’ve done everything I could to reach my goals and am proud of how far I’ve come. I can’t wait for the day I can go to bed at night and feel truly proud and satisfied with my career; now to just take the plunge and get started. Wish me luck!