Dear heartbroken me,
I am so sorry you are in this pain. Having a broken heart is one of the worst pains you can experience and unfortunately most of us go through it at least once.
Now since I’ve been where you are right now, a few times unfortunately, I’m not going to tell you all that motivational crap like: “this is a good thing”, “it just wasn’t meant to be”, because let’s face it, you don’t want to hear that.
What I am going to do is tell you the truth and give you the advice that got me through my heartbreaks.
My first advice is something that’s saved me with past heartbreaks, give yourself a finite amount of “wallow time”. With wallowing it’s a slippery slope because you’ll get in that headspace and depressed mood and it’s hard to get out of it. So instead of just circling the depressed breakup drain, make a time limit. Now for me I usually give myself one day. Now that one day is my wallow to the best of my abilities time. During that six hours I give myself full permission to cry my eyes out, feel horrible, feel like it’s my fault, feel like it’s the end of the world, all the normal post breakup feelings. Once that day’s over, that’s it. Once that day’s done, the wallowing is also. Now it’s time to wipe away those tears, wash your face, and move on. Wallowing isn’t going to make you feel better. So get up and force yourself to move on. You won’t want to (I know I didn’t) but you have to.
Now I’m not saying that when you wallow it has to be half-assed. I’m going to order some advice from Lorelei Gilmore for this one. Have yourself a good wallow (well as good as a breakup wallow can be): order a pizza, eat some Ben & Jerry’s, get in your comfiest clothes, watch a really sad movie like A Walk to Remember (there’s comfort in other people crying with you I swear), and just have a good long cry. You see if you deny the pain right out of the gate it’ll build up and then blow up in your face at the worst possible time. But letting yourself wallow will let it all out and take that pressure off your chest. And it may feel like you can’t breathe right now, but I promise that’ll go away and you will be able to again. You will be ok.
Next thing, no matter how much you want to just hide away from the world, don’t. Again, that hiding is just part of that vicious cycle. The more you hide the more you’ll be sad and the more you’ll be sad the more you’ll want to be alone. Instead, get out there. It doesn’t matter if it’s coffee with a friend or just going shopping, just do something.
So again, I am so sorry this happened to you. It seriously sucks right now and you feel like the world is a horrible place. But it will get better. The darkness will lift and you’ll be happy again. You’ll get there. Promise.